So, when I sat up today, I saw my blog had become a deserted place. I thought to write, not to impress anyone but draw a sketch of my mind’s content hoping it will make a difference. Here comes quarter-life-crisis. You know mid-life crisis right? Now, a lot happens to a twenty-one-year-old too.
It’s just that time when I try to sound thirty and look twenty five. Please notice the desperation for a maturity badge in my voice. It is the time when you either turn into a rogue bachelor or a gentleman. For the first time you think of chasing after a girl for more than a month. Speaking of which, I think you should meet Flowzie.
Oh boy! I thought no one was out of my league. Well, that’s till I met her. I fell for her with a steadfast crush into the ground. It isn’t only your mum who will break your heart. Believe you me when you turn out to be less important to her, it will. As in, “I’m busy but I can fix time to meet you.” After a month of knowing her and a failed meeting, I grew up. Suddenly I obsessed over myself, I was very mature. How could I fall like that? I mean, why, when I could be more constructive?
Speaking of which, I later noticed her friend Masibo was just the right experiment between a Bukusu (a sub-tribe of Luhya in Kenya) and an Indian. I mean just put ‘indian’ complexion on a ‘luhya’ physique (do consider looking back when she passes by). They say when you meet two girls, there is the hot one and the friend…..
I took a turn into the business lane. I didn’t know it is a one way street. Once you’re in, it is business only. Other ‘things’ make you lose focus. I finally came to learn that importing anything into Kenya is not a joke. I also learnt to send formal emails while making a purchase order and refrain from the temerities ‘peace’ and ‘bro’’. I also learnt the definition of investment and contracts. Damn! There’s law in business too.
I was hoping that obligations came later in life. As in wake up to chapatti and sausages more often. I received a call from my old man, telling me I will have to begin paying my own rent and feeding my one-pack belly. While talking to him, he casually mentioned me putting a structure of my own outside his compound. I thought staying out of his house was enough, till now.
While I’m still trying to chew up the father-son philosophy, so-and-so says she hasn’t gotten her paycheck and it is end-month. Look here, I haven’t even fathered myself enough, not now please! So there is the back and forth of whether she is keeping it or not. The fights where she says her life is ruined. What will she tell her parents? I don’t know why my feet were freezing cold but my palms and body were very sweaty. Is that the infamous “a cold sweat broke out of his temple”?
By the time I realize I should be back at my ‘house’ – it is more of a single room that functions as a living-room, kitchen, bedroom and a closet. Sometimes you eat at the chair and sit on the table as your bed functions as a couch for guests. Some have a doorless bathrooms while the good ones are self-contained. Your ambitious friends have already began flirting with your woman or bae, is it? Usually because you let them see her melons when she serves coffee.
When I thought my life was just a step away from a freak-show, the semester is halfway done. I have to look for notes and sit for a CAT (Continuous Assessment Test) or write a term paper. Also get used to the lecturer who behaves like she is menstruating at the intervals of five minutes. So I run around like a clueless scholar filled with an education in the place of knowledge and loose morals in the place of wisdom.
With time I develop this addiction for chess. I play so well till so-and-so says I’m depriving her of attention. I then teach her how to play. All I realize is that either I’m the impatient kind or she is very thick. As in good in academics and poor on the board. I resorted to playing NFS Most Wanted. I was in the house for twenty hours, probably in the same spot. Still the noise about attention. Turns out playing snooker (pool) is not easy too. For her!
I wondered to myself, “Who fed this creature the notion that my world should be woven around her?”
I know…. I know, everything is a mess and I won’t deny it. The 29th who is my birthday visited. It was all ‘fun’ since so-and-so customized it into her big day. Like, the baking and painting my face with icing sugar. In the previous one I drank sufficiently and won my first game in public against a stranger. I was with my best buddy and so-and-so. This time my mama called. My old man has no clue to date. I thought I would taste the savory beloved beer only to be met by this sweet things people buy off supermarkets.
It later hit me that a year ago, I had set goals. You know; have a running business, focus on studies, have a stable relationship, be happy? The many others I have forgotten. I began thinking of those I had disappointed. The moments I never lived to expectation. The many times I broke my own principles. The many more I cared less and hurt someone. The girl I gave up on. The times I wasn’t a good friend. Most importantly, the goals I set and haven’t achieved let alone given a try.
Sadly, I sat there playing. Whenever I’m sad I win a lot. I don’t know why.
